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I used to be a shy, lonely, introverted person until I found work as an agent in one of the top 10 call centers in Makati. Although my first two months in the center were horrible and frightening that I clamped up every time I made booboos, I persevered because of a dire need to support my family. You see, I became the breadwinner when my parents separated when I was 20.
My life in the center became lighter, though, when I became friends with Shiela (not her real name), one of the top-grossing agents. She was so nice and accommodating to me that I told myself I finally found the perfect friend I've been looking for so long. Every time I had problems, she was there ready to help and offer advice. She would share her baon when I forgot to bring mine. When my mom was rushed to the hospital because of pneumonia, she visited her and even shelled out cash to augment the hospital bills. I couldn't thank her enough.
Because of the mounting bills, I tried hard to earn more. My hardwork paid off. I became the top agent earning way more than Shiela. Armed with confidence that I could be tops, I worked double time to stay up there. With the money that came with it, my and my family's life improved - and started my problem with Shiela. Every time I hit it big, she would make kantiyawto give a treat which I gladly obliged at first. But this treat had become a regular thing that I found myself resenting her for coaxing me every time. She also would borrow money from me which she never returned. At first, it was OK because when I looked back to what she had done for me and for my family during our `trying' times, I didn't think I could repgy her back. How could you pay utang na loob? But it was beginning to be a habit that it affected my budget and even my savings.
I wanted to talk to her but I was afraid that I would lose her as a result. Tell me what to do, please...
Carol
via email
Hi. Carol:
Being friends is being transparent with each other. Nothing beats being honest and sincere with one another whatever the situation is. Being friends, too, is correcting the other “when she goes overboard especially when it concerns money. Money is a tricky thing to discuss but I believe both you and Shiela have gone through trying situations that you could discuss everything and anything with open mind. After all, you said in your email that Shiela was a nice girl.
When you do talk to her, though, do it on neutral ground. That means not in the office, not in your home, not in her home, and not in the home of your other mutual friends. Go someplace else where it is cozy and conducive to a one-on-one talk. Have good (not necessarily expensive) food served. Most of the time, judgment is impaired when one is hungry. So eat first. Then, lay the cards on the table. Say everything in your heart and mind without using words that hurt - from your family, feelings, finances, to friendship. Tell her you love her as an older or younger sister and you don't want to lose the friendship just because of this problem. If she says something to correct you in return, be open to welcome advice. Remember, talking is a two-way thing. When the smoke has cleared, give her a gift to seal the friendship - a silver bracelet with the words Carol & Shiela BFF inscribed is a good starting-over thingie. Then forget everything that you've talked about. Bury the hatchet, as they say. Start all over again with nothing but positive vibes. Rejoice to a new tomorrow. Good luck, Carol.
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